I was hoping that by now I would be writing a post about how I came out of the other side of this struggle, stronger, faster, and in better shape, that I was better off for having gone through this. I was putting off writing a post until I was on the other side. I realized though, that there might be as much, or more value in sharing this spot in the middle, where I’m waiting for the after to come.
I’ll back up a bit. Just over a month ago, I was out on an everyday run, on a Wednesday night, with Lori and Rob. It was cold, there was some snow on the ground, but all these things were pretty ordinary of late. Around 4 km’s into the run I felt a weird pain in my ankle. Like most mid run niggles or pains, I noted it, and continued on, waiting for it to warm up and feel better. I ran another 2 km’s waiting, but it did not warm up, it got worse, by 6 km’s in I was limping-running. Never a good thing. I run through all sorts of tightnesses and niggles, they happen and are pretty uneventful generally. Pain is different though, I don’t generally run through pain. I sucked up my pride and told them that my ankle was sore and that I needed to head home.
I woke up the next morning and could hardly walk, this felt like a severe injury, something to be taken seriously. I went to Urgent Care, and got x-rays, I as afraid that because of the sudden nature of the injury that it could be a stress fracture. X-rays and future visits with an ortho showed it to not be a stress fracture. The exact diagnosis is still a bit unclear to me, I think it’s a combination of a ligament strain with tendinitis. Regardless of the specific diagnosis, the solution was rest, cross training, and patience for the most part. I’ve also been seeing my Chiropractor and having graston and shockwave done.
At this point, it has improved a lot, but I am not ready to run yet. I don’t mean this post to be about my specific injury, it could be anything. It’s about the mental state of being here in the middle. I’m in a place where I’m having wild swings in emotion. I know that it will heal, that this will end up being a blip, a lesson, and a part of my past, but until it does, it feels like an insurmountable obstacle.
I’ve been working out really hard for the last month, putting in a minimum of 12 hours a week, including riding my trainer, strength training, pool running, and other cardio. I honestly feel like I’m in better shape than when I was injured. This is when I’m thinking logically. I don’t know exactly how I’ll feel once I start running again, but I have a super deep base, and I know the running will come back. Again, when I’m thinking logically…
I haven’t been without my tantrums though. It sucks, and I don’t know how long I’m going to have to wait for this to heal. I’ve cried my share of tears, and I miss running with my friends immensely. I’ve enjoyed a lot of the cross training, I really don’t mind pool running or biking, but I get lonely. My life has evolved such that my social life is my running. I love it this way, except when I’m not running. Lori has been amazing, and has met me for cross training sessions every single week, we’ve pool run together, done various gym cardio, and have even checked out a spin class (which by the way turned out to be SO.MUCH.FUN!)
I write this because I want to put it out there that if you’re with me in this space in the middle, we have to keep on, and know that we will reach the other side. I also have faith and know that I think my year will be better for this. I am strength training and becoming stronger, I’m picking up habits that will do me good in the long run. The spin classes and biking are building my quad strength like crazy (my ginormous quads-for-miles have even grown!), I am going to be ahead of the game when spring comes and I’m looking for my climbing legs. In the meantime, I’m going to keep on cross-training my little heart out, I will throw the occasional tantrum, and shed some tears, if you see me, I would LOVE a hug, and if you’re looking for something to do at 5am on a week day morning, I’d love to meet you at the pool for a run 😉 or better yet, when there’s snow, I’ve been getting my trail fix on with cross country skiing, and I would love some company on a Friday afternoon!
Thanks for listening! And stay tuned for my next post, which WILL be my post injury, here’s all the things I learned, and why I’m stronger for having gone through this!